castaway key is the private island Disney owns that you go on if you take the cruise. they don’t actually pump in scents on castaway key, it just smells like the ocean cuz it’s in the ocean. apparently this candle just smells like salt water and that’s compelling to me. The #1 thing i want my bedroom to smell like is low tide
4.
the Avatar (blue guys not airbender) one
ok so disney just opened Pandora and i havent been there because…lmfao…anyways the banshee flight ride is this supposedly amazing simulator of the Avatar universe and im just staring at this candle wondering what the Avatar universe could possibly smell like. weird fruits and dyed hair and musk and imperialism? the options mystify me…..
3.
churro
it’s just cinnamon it’s just a cinnamon scented candle and it’s 20 dollars
2.
the bromine one
ok so i saw this one and was puzzled cuz i’ve ridden Pirates of the Carribean maybe a million times and dont remember any imagineered scents….then i was like “oh wait, i guess it kind of smells like bromine cuz thats what they use to disinfect the waters, but there’s no way that’s what this candle smells like…”…guess what. it’s a bromine candle. that’s basically like if you had a candle that smelled like piss and chlorine because you long for your youth at the local YMCA. and i love it.
1.
rome burning
there’s two reasons why i love this and actually am going to buy it shortly. first of all “rome burning” is an iconic scene in one of my favorite epcot rides, Spaceship Earth, when you pass the ruins of a recently-destroyed Rome and it smells like the fires have just gone out and it’s just really cool. but the second and most important reason why this is amazing is that, like, 85% of people are going to look at this candle burning in my house, smell the telling notes of fresh embers and soot, and think i bought a candle solely to commemerate the firey death of a once great empire. which i did. fuck rome.
The Times probably should have waited until after the Kavanaugh coverage slowed down, but then there probably would have just been some other big shit storm stirring up because every day is a hell day full of shit storms in the Trump Presidency, ensuring that every shitty thing he does gets buried in the latest shit storms.
